.png)
When She’s Gone
Let’s be honest: love can make you feel like you’re on top of the world; however, it can also make you hurt like hell. You think you find the one, and even if you break up on good terms, it hurts and tears you apart, especially when you see that person as your future. However, what can hurt even more than a breakup is finding out your ex has moved on to someone else. You might start questioning your worth, like, “What does this new person have that I never did?” or “What is he giving them that I didn’t?” We even get to the bargaining stage and start questioning the “what ifs.” What if I had taken her to that dinner, what if I had learned more about the house, what if we went on a vacation earlier, and so on and so forth? This may sound harsh, but the fact is, no matter how many questions we ask ourselves, she’s gone.
Most of us will navigate breaking up at some point. It's a deeply personal journey, yet universally, it's filled with pain, confusion, and introspection. Society often paints a stereotype that women are more emotionally affected by breakups, leaving the narrative of men's experiences less told. This blog sheds light on how men navigate the emotional aftermath of a breakup.
The Initial Shock and Denial
Initially, many men might not fully absorb the impact of the breakup. This denial is a defence mechanism, helping to cushion the blow to their emotions and ego. It can manifest through actions that appear as if they're moving on quickly, such as immediately dating someone new, indulging in work, or spending more time with friends. Contrary to popular belief, this isn't always an indicator of their lack of care or love but rather an attempt to maintain a facade of normalcy.
Isolation and Heart Break
I am surely generalizing, but due to societal norms, men are taught to hold in emotions. Therefore, men tend to hold a cocktail of emotions during a breakup, like anger, confusion, numbness, betrayal, and loss. Unlike women, men are likely to shield their feelings from friends, family and society as a whole.
This hibernation period
Men are traditionally taught to suppress their emotions, to be the rock in the face of adversity. After a breakup, many men might not openly process their feelings, choosing instead to bottle them up. This societal expectation can lead to men feeling isolated in their suffering, believing that seeking help or expressing sadness is a sign of weakness. It's important to challenge these norms and encourage open emotional expression.
Because of this inclination to hibernate from the world, male psychology after a breakup might divert him to spend most nights in and blow off any opportunity to socialize with the outside world. This hibernation period is essential for getting over the depression and low self-esteem that is expected following a breakup. This sometimes even leads to constant trips to the bar alone to cope. As Jim Halbert said in The Office, “I couldn’t sleep, I couldn’t concentrate on anything, even weird stuff like food, and I wouldn’t wish that feeling on my worst enemy.”
Shooting for the Rebound
Because men tend to stay in their own isolation during a breakup, they don’t generally give themselves time for emotional healing. Sometimes, they download dating apps like Hinge or Tinder to find a rebound that fills their void. Men breaking up due to emotional or physical dissatisfaction may also consider finding a new partner immediately. On the one hand, a one-night fling can feel good at the moment with a rush of dopamine; rushing into a relationship can create a lot of self-tension and a lack of trust in the relationship, especially if there was infidelity in the last relationship.
Shot Shot Shot!
Men who have been hurt can be more inclined to deal with heartbreak by indulging in short-term pleasures. We go to the bar or club with many women and drinks. In that scenario, the heartbroken now has the erosion that they’re in a large group of like-minded people. Additionally, after a few drinks, we forget about our problems. We might even feel so drunk that we want to hook up to get back at the ex. Don’t get me wrong; I’m not saying you shouldn't drink or hook up and have sex; rather, we need to understand what void these activities will fill a void when we are hurt.
Feeling Nostalgic
Remember the simpler days when Rock Music was at its peak in the 80s, or the 90’s when rap music was so much better, and the Canucks wore the flying skate? How about the early 2000s when, although we had internet access, we went out a lot more as kids? We admire all of these memories because nostalgia is a powerful tool. Similarly, we may think about the good old days after a breakup. We daydream about moments like when we drank wine by the fire. Or the first time I saw her in that beautiful dress, it blew me away. Additionally, we might find less interest in old rituals we had with our partner, like TV shows. Our irrational thoughts make us want to call the ex and assume that if they picked up, they would let us back into their lives. It’s likely that at this moment, we come to the realization of the newly singled vertigo of independence.
The nostalgic tends to have trouble realizing that the present came about because of
Difficulties with the past. Theoretically, they believed we were perfectly happy, but everything suddenly became bad. However, like all things that change, relationships have a cause and effect that leads to some things staying the same and others changing. Looking at the past and seeing where we showed contempt is important. However, it is common to feel that we only look at the positives and use selective reasoning. It is important to consider when the relationship has become so dissatisfying that one leaves. The portrait we make of the relationship is not drawn by facts but rather by loneliness and apprehension. We should not trust what we feel now but rather what we knew then during the relationship, which affected the relationship's downfall. Returning to the past will only remind us why the relationship had to end and what actions we took.
The Reflective Phase
As the initial shock wears off, men often enter a reflection phase. This is when the suppressed emotions start to surface. They might replay the relationship in their minds, thinking about what went wrong. It's a critical time when the healing truly begins. With self-reflection comes the opportunity for growth, learning from past mistakes, and recognizing what they truly want in a partner.
Seeking Support
Reaching out for support is a step that varies significantly among men. Those who are more open and have a strong support system might find solace in talking to friends and family. Others might seek the anonymity of online forums or communities. Professional help, such as therapy, is also becoming a more accepted and sought-after resource for navigating through the emotional turmoil of a breakup.
Rediscovery and Moving On
Eventually, men come to a phase of rediscovery, where they begin to find joy in hobbies and interests they may have neglected. This phase is about rebuilding self-esteem and identity outside of the relationship. It's also the time when the possibility of new love begins to seem less daunting and more of a hopeful prospect.
Breakups are never easy, but they are a natural part of life. For men, dealing with the aftermath of a relationship ending can be particularly challenging due to societal expectations to appear strong and stoic. However, it's important for men to take care of themselves and find healthy ways to cope with the pain and emotions that come with a breakup. Here are some healthy coping mechanisms that men can use to navigate through a breakup:
Allow yourself to feel your emotions: It's okay to feel sad, angry, hurt, or any other emotion after a breakup. Give yourself permission to feel your emotions and healthily process them. Bottling up your feelings will only prolong the healing process.
Reach out for support: Avoid leaning on friends, family, or a therapist during this difficult time. Talking about your feelings and receiving validation and understanding can help you navigate the pain of a breakup.
Take care of yourself: Make self-care a priority during this time. Eat well, exercise, get plenty of rest, and engage in activities that bring you joy and relaxation. Taking care of your physical and emotional well-being can help you heal and move forward.
Practice mindfulness and self-reflection: Take time to reflect on the relationship and what you have learned from it. Practice mindfulness techniques like meditation or deep breathing to help you stay present and grounded in the moment.
Engage in hobbies and activities: Keep yourself busy and distracted by engaging in activities you enjoy. Whether sports, music, art, or any other hobby, immersing yourself in activities can help take your mind off the breakup and provide a sense of fulfilment.
Set boundaries with your ex-partner: It's important to establish boundaries with your ex-partner to give yourself space to heal and move on. Limit contact with them, especially in the early stages of the breakup, to avoid reopening old wounds.
Focus on personal growth: Use this time as an opportunity for self-discovery and personal growth. Take up new challenges, set goals for yourself, and work on becoming the best version of yourself. Use the break-up as a catalyst for positive change in your life. Remember, healing from a break-up takes time, and it's okay not to have all the answers right away. Be patient with yourself and trust that with time and self-care, you will emerge stronger and more resilient on the other side. Take it one day at a time, and remember that seeking help is okay if you need it. You are not alone in this journey.
Contact us today for a free consultation
604-763-4388
Comments